The People who Started Using Umlauts in Rock Titles

Dear linguistic misfits,

I don't know who you are. I haven't bothered finding out who was first. Perhaps it was Blue Öyster Cult

Or perhaps it was Motörhead

Or perhaps it was some other band altogether - there are certainly a lot of examples to choose from.

There are even new examples.

To be fair, the newer examples are probably mostly in jest, parodying the heavy usage of unnecessary umlauts in the past.

But no matter what the reason, there are still facts that remain. One of those facts is that the gratuitous use of umlauts looks extremely silly.

No matter what the old rock legends say, a couple of extra dots over a letter does not make you look "hardcore" - at least not to people who speak languages where those dots are actually used. To many of us it looks absolutely ridiculous.

People from bands like Motörhead and Blue Öyster Cult have said that the addition of the umlaut does not mean that we should pronounce their names differently than if they were using regular old Os. But to those of use who are used to actually using letters like for instance Ö, it is automatic. Whenever I see an album cover with gratuitous umlauts it's pronounced wrong in my head, which really detracts from the whole visual appeal.

So, to whatever band started this trend, I just have to say that I'm angry at you. Why did you have to go and do a stupid thing like that? I generally enjoy the kind of music that the umlaut-bands play but I don't like their album covers.

Wärm rëgärds and sëäsöns grëëtïngs,

Marcus

Winter

Dear winter,

I can feel you approaching fast. The days are getting shorter and colder. The mornings are getting white and frosty. I have to turn on the heat and use my thick duvet. It's obvious that you'll be here soon.

So, what the hell, man? What's the big idea? I thought we had a deal. I thought we were cool (well, of course you are cool, but you know what I mean). I thought we had agreed how this relationship was going to work.

Look, you know that I love you. As a friend. Sure, it's nice hanging out with you every once in a while, but I don't want to feel too crowded, you know? We can still see each other, but does it have to be every year?

I really enjoy hanging out with summer right now. I'm sorry, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but I have to be honest. I know that we used to have a great time when I was a little boy who loved to play in your snow, but over the years we've grown apart.

I'm sorry. It's not you, it's me. I've changed over the years and our relationship just doesn't work anymore. So please, I don't want you showing up here every year, knocking on my door, enveloping me in your cold every time I leave my apartment. I don't want to accuse you of stalking, but soon I don't know if I have any choice…

Please stop embarrassing yourself and accept that I have moved on. You need to move on too.

Warm Sorry, cold regards,
Marcus