People Who Still Say ’First’ and ’Shopped’

Dear unoriginal trolls,

I'm sure almost all of you are aware that a significant portion of Internet denizens consider your behavior detestable. If you are the kind of person who regularly leaves comments that only say “First!” or “Shopped” you've very probably been told often enough that you are an abhorrent bastard.

After trying to engage a few of you in conversation I've found that this might actually be the reason that you do it. You post a highly unoriginal and annoying comment and then, when people get angry, you point, laugh and say “Ha ha, you are so stupid! I was just checking if anyone here is stupid enough to get angry about something so insignificant and look, there you are!”

Well, if that is your aim, if you are trying to point out that you are “smart” enough to get a rise out of people like that, then whoop-de-dodi-doo for you.

What, you think that making someone annoyed is some kind of accomplishment? You think that it proves something? This is the Internet people! Making someone annoyed or angry is virtually effortless. Nothing could be easier.

People will get angry if you say that a democrat made a good point in a speech. Other people will get angry if you say that a republican made a good point. If you say that man walked on the moon, a lot of people will get angry and if you say that man didn't walk on the moon huge amounts of people will get angry. Hell, if you say that you like peanut butter some people will get angry!

People getting angry is the status quo of the Internet. Succeeding in annoying someone on the Internet is never an accomplishment. And doing it by just repeating what millions have said before you, without adding any original thought, should never be considered the intelligent thing to do.

And no, it's not better to post “Third!” or “Last!” – not anymore at least. Once, it was pretty funny, as a jab at the first-squad. Twice it had lost a bit of its appeal. By the third time you see it it's as bad as the original “First!”-comments. And now it's been going on for years.

Of course it's the same with the shopped-crowd.

You people show up every time there is a picture posted somewhere (and sometimes when there is no picture) and you say “Shopped”, “Photoshopped!”, or, the longer, perennial favourite “Shopped! I can tell from some of the pixels and having seen a lot of shops in my time.”

When someone else points out that the picture does, in fact, accurately represent reality or that there is in fact no picture to “shop” or that it doesn't matter whether a picture is altered or not – it is still funny, you lash back just like the first-squad. You say “Don't you get it? It's a joke! Ha ha, you are all so stupid!”

Well, I contend that you are the one being stupid, if you believe that an unfunny joke is any funnier after it has been repeated numerous times every hour of every day for several years. At some point things lose what little entertainment value it once had. “Shopped” as a comment has very long since passed that point.

So please, for the good of all of us, bring some god damn originality to your trolling next time! Come up with something new. Or may I even suggest that you actually look at the article/comic/funny picture/video/whatever in question and give a comment that is actually related to the subject at hand? You could just, you know, try to contribute to a conversation and actually make some kind of point. Please.

Love and lollies,

Marcus